Through it all // 7.27.18

I think through it all I’ve learned true freedom isn’t something that just happens. I think I’ve learned to be truly free we must live truly at rest, and to live truly at rest we must stop falling to the lie there’s anything to chase or that there’s anywhere to run where we may be found. We must instead grab ahold of the reality that we’ve already been found, in the hands of the Father who created the world and yet looks at His masterpiece creation of sons and daughters with a divine fondness surpassing that of any mountain-scape or oceans depth. I think we must recognize the hands in which we rest, the very hands that fashioned our hearts and know how to respond to their silent groans and desires we do not yet have the words for.

I think through it all I've come to learn true rest is in learning to trust He holds all, even when we can’t comprehend it, we decide to trust it. Perhaps true rest is recognizing He holds the words and the perfect solution for the silent, tired, and weariest of hearts. And perhaps that rest comes from accepting the reality that we’re invited into a relationship void of any need to work, perform, or manufacture worthiness. I think despite its magnitude, it’s in the knowing that my Father created my heart and hand wrote its every desire that perpetually carries me home. A knowing its rhythm is orchestrated masterfully by the hands of a masterful Creator who knows how to respond to my desire before I could even know its there.

I think through it all I’ve learned to be fully free we must live from this place of true rest, discovering the reality that our hearts beat in-sync with the Creator of the world and the intoxicating intimacy that results from its song. A song that destroys and eradicates self doubt, insecurity, and our prone-to-wander ways. An intimacy that rises from the silence of the hidden place, and teaches the heart to laugh from an overflow of joy. An intimacy that rises and teaches a body to dance from an overflow of self love and holy confidence. An intimacy that teaches a mouth to sing from a pure heart fixated towards heaven bent low in worship. An intimacy that carries a voice, poring out from the hidden place and speaking words of vibrancy because above all we chose Him. I think through it all I’ve learned there’s no freedom like eradicating the lie of “finding myself” to take up the truth of denying and dying to myself, so I may stand tall and recognize what was once a pile of overworked, manufactured ash is today a beating, blood pumping heart fully at rest within the hands Who created it. A masterpiece of beauty. A rare beauty the world had nothing to do with. How could it. Things of eternity do not find their inspiration from the things of the world. The beauty of this world is merely a collection of gold dust derived from the masterpiece of heaven above. The beauty I long to become isn’t a beauty for this place. It isn’t a beauty that will stay here. Instead it’s a beauty that will someday soon surpass all darkness of a fallen world, and come face to face with the eyes belonging to the hands that have held my heart all along.

Through it all I think I’ve learned it was never going to be my efforts to build wings that would carry me onward, but instead was always going to be the song of my heart I finally learned to sing. The one powerful enough to ascend my flesh above any circumstance and instead see the world with heavens scope where true freedom lives. And from that place, I’ve come to learn I will undoubtedly fly from an overflow of joy. A joy I perhaps chose before I ever felt. 

And I think through it all I've learned to pray my ascending flight will sound like laugher and look like an intimate dance. And I’ll finally remember what it means to play and bask in the reality of true freedom once again. In the freedom of the song that’s always belonged to me. The dance my muscle tissue has intimately and innately always longed to perform. I think through it all I’ve learned true freedom of the dance and romance of the song is all I’ve ever wanted all along. It’s the purity of love, the very thing I was created to do. And I think through it all I finally see and behold the reality of what my beating heart has silently groaned for all along - true rest. And as result - a wild, inexplicable, all consuming freedom to love. 

kristie dunnigan